The international community is reeling this week as revelations mount implicating Communist China’s Xi Jinping as being too fat to lead.
It’s an enormous blow to the portly-but-powerful head of state at a time when he was already reported to be very angry, and also very hungry.
As reported by The Washington Free Beacon, which first broke news of the unprecedented allegations:
Xi is undoubtedly sensitive about his weight and has shown a willingness to crack down on anyone who dares to bring it up. Several years ago, for example, a nine-year-old boy wrote a letter suggesting that Xi lose some weight. The letter went viral but was immediately scrubbed from major news websites in China after the Communist propaganda apparatus intervened. Winnie the Pooh has also been banned in China after internet users grew fond of comparing Xi to the beloved children’s book character.
As pressure continues to mount there’s a growing sense that the walls are closing in because this time it feels different.
More than 40 former and current experts have already weighed in alongside several top intelligence community and federal government officials, all on the rock-solid condition of anonymity. Critics who say Xi is not too fat to lead, or that such a litmus is arbitrary and respectively unimperative, have been drowned out by this veritable roar of anonymous consensus.
Doctors say obesity can lead to a variety of debilitating afflictions. Severe cares, which according to some medical experts Xi’s appears to be, can even result in death.
This, it’s being reported amid a tinderbox of additional allegations, is why the question “Is President Xi too fat to lead?” is now one of the most talked-about and important on many Americans’ minds.
(Polling from a variety of trusted and credible sources will soon be released verifying that assertion. It’ll come out in about a week, right when you thought and hoped we’d move on to actually important news. But how can we when you care so much about this?!)
So, is President Xi Jinping too fat to lead?
That’s not for us, an impartial news operation, to decide.
But look at the pictures.
Look at how fat he is.
He’s really fat.
And yet he says health is important.
How can he be trusted?
China is a global leader on whom the world, and especially America, rely for expert medical advice, sound intellectual property guidance and adherence, quality goods and services, and exceptionally high moral and human rights standards and leadership.
What’s their plan if President Xi being so fat ends up inhibiting his ability to lead?
Because he is that fat, some say.
Sources throughout American diplomatic channels and military leadership are all preparing for the worst amid a global security crisis that lawmakers in the U.S. are only now getting more complete reports on.
President Joseph R. Biden is yet to comment, but we have unconfirmed reports that former President Donald J. Trump, arguably the greatest and healthiest president in American history, may release a statement as soon as tomorrow.
This is a developing story.
UPDATE, 9:44PM ET: Additional analysis has the LBA newsroom and fact-checkers in agreement. We can report first, independently and accurately that China’s President Xi Jinping is in fact too fat to lead. Our conclusion is predicated on data and scientism and a variety of analyses that resulted in our taking an arbitrary assertion and creating a “fact” out of it by telling you, the reader, that now it’s a fact. Because it all depends on what your definitions of “is” and “too” and “fat” and “lead” are. We’ve assigned definitions to each of those words that allow us to state, as a fact, that Xi can’t do the job because he’s too much of a tubbalard. We reserve the right to change our definitions of those words as necessary to continue supporting our own agenda and conclusions.
We didn’t make these rules. This is how ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, NPR, PBS, WaPo, NYT and AP have been doing it for years:
*Hold a position (we hate Xi).
*Pick a narrative (he’s too fat to lead).
*Support it with arbitrarily-gathered “evidence” masquerading as news (if this news story looks like nothing but propaganda designed to make you agree with us, it’s because that’s what it is).
That’s how they do it. And that’s all they do. (I’ve offered a plan to stop them and see the GOP inching closer to it.)
And that The Washington Free Beacon is having a blast with the exact same formula and trolling the hell out of the evil, freedom-hating, communist Chinese leaders who corporate America and our own media are too greedy and afraid to poke in the eye, is something “we at LBA” (there’s just me) (but right this minute I self-identify as an entire newsroom and fact-checking team) are definitely on board with.
And you should be too.
Is President Xi Jinping too fat to lead? If you’re anywhere near any Communist Chinese social media accounts, post the Washington Examiner link and this one and ask the question and just troll the hell out of them. It’s a great way to pass the time and guys like Stephen Miller (@redsteeze on Twitter) have made a beautiful art of it. Okay, not “guys like.” Just him. But he’s done some really impressive things just by trolling them and getting his followers to do the same. They delete tweets now because he gets people to fill up the replies with Taiwan’s flag or pictures of Uyghurs being held in Communist China’s concentration camps. It’s just great to see any type of direct action against these dirtbags, especially since the powerful in this country are all too weak and greedy to take these monsters on.
Make sure to check out WhatFinger News for all the best right-minded media content from around the web.