BUSTED! CNN Catches Trump Meddling In 2020 Election; Literally Says ‘I Approve This Message’ [SATIRE]

Just days after the bombshell revelation that President Trump tried to interfere in the 2020 election by not wanting the United States to blindly fund corrupt foreign governments, CNN revealed a damning series of secretly recorded tapes that analysts and experts agree will likely make impeachment a certainty.

The tapes, all of which make wild claims in favor of President Trump and in opposition to his political opponents, were secretly recorded outside of public view and are alleged to have been made by Trump supporters in a blatant attempt to influence voters ahead of the 2020 presidential election.

As one anonymous source told CNN, “This isn’t just a few people out there saying they like President Trump. This is a coordinated effort by a shadow group whose names and identities we don’t know and we don’t have access to.”

CNN’s own Brian Stelter, while discussing the unprecedented revelation with Jake Tapper, said “I want to be careful here. We in the media have that responsibility and most of us take it very, very seriously. But I have to say it because it appears to be exactly what’s happening, Jake: This is literally a campaign to circumvent the media and interfere in the 2020 election by garnering support directly from voters. I hate to go there. I hate to be that blunt. But I don’t know what other explanation there can be. And I think people in newsrooms all across the country are stunned that something like this could actually be unfolding right before our eyes.”

Reporting from the White House lawn just outside the tent he’s been sleeping in for several months now, intrepid reporter Jim Acosta noted that “the fear from this bombshell, fear of the fallout from CNN’s reporting, it’s palpable here on the White House lawn just outside of my tent. Clearly there’s a sense here that the walls are closing in on this president.”

It’s well-documented that Acosta doesn’t actually have any White House sources, but his intuition about this president’s demise has almost never missed and there’s no reason to think it’ll fail us now. If he says the sense just outside of the tent he sleeps in is that the walls are closing in, then that’s exactly what must be happening.

And with good reason, because this time there really is a smoking gun.

While we weren’t able to confirm as of this writing exactly how many tapes there are, we do know this with absolute certainty: On every single tape you can actually hear President Trump in his own words saying “I’m Donald Trump and I approve this message.”

Legal expert Jeffrey Toobin noted that “the audacious admission reveals yet again that this president believes he is above the law.” He continued, “If this were happening in any other administration in history, there would be no question about impeachment and probably some kind of legal action beyond that. But my fear is that Trump and his minions will somehow get away with this, and that’s an enormous problem for the integrity of our democracy.”

One-time deep state waterboy and current Twitter personality, Asha Rangappa, challenged the sentiment suggesting that “of all the unprecedented and illegal things he’s gotten away with, there’s simply no way anyone can turn a blind eye to this level of chaos and corruption. This is the beginning of the end of the Trump presidency. I know I and others on this panel have all said that many, many times before. But this feels different.”

CNN let our team and others see the tapes, but said they will not actually release them to the public because the content itself is too graphic. But we can note that on one of the tapes a man can be heard actually saying out loud “I don’t think Joe Biden would be a good president. And I don’t think Elizabeth Warren would be a good president either. But I like Trump. I think he’s doing a great job.” NBC News’ Kristen Welker asked CNN if the man was wearing a MAGA hat while trying so flagrantly to meddle in the 2020 election, but a CNN spokesperson said they couldn’t confirm that because you could only hear the man’s voice. His face wasn’t actually in the video. Jim Sciutto chimed in stating that the man’s voice suggests he’s either white or white Hispanic. “It’s definitely not a black person” Sciutto said. “I know black people. A lot of them. This wasn’t a black person. Plus no black people support Trump. And this person was clearly a Trump supporter.”

With or without the existence of a white or white Hispanic possibly MAGA-hatted male, there is no question that President Donald J. Trump can be heard immediately afterward stating, “I’m Donald Trump and I approve this message.”

And that smoking gun, experts and insiders say, will likely write a finish to this badly disgraced presidency.

In 2016 he wanted to find out what happened to the 33,000 emails that Hillary Clinton deleted off of her private server, and he didn’t care where the information came from as long as it was legitimate. Readers might recall that it seemed as if he was totally unaware that things like evidence, intelligence, and documentation all spontaneously combust once outside of US borders. A truly inexplicable breach of common sense that, for many, served as an early warning sign about the depths this president will go in his pursuit of so-called “justice.”

Then, just a few days ago, it was revealed that he tried to confirm that a US taxpayer-funded foreign nation wasn’t rife with corruption. And as some of our own experts noted, under normal circumstances that might be okay. But in this case there’s a very real possibility that Joe Biden benefited from that nation’s corruption. And as the brave souls throughout the media have so diligently pointed out, it is therefore both illegal and impeachable for President Trump to have addressed it. (The simple rule of thumb for anyone who doesn’t already know: If your name is President Donald J. Trump and you care about someone else’s wrongdoing or, even worse, defending your own credibility — then you need to be impeached and then, if there’s any justice in the world, probably spend the rest of your life in prison.)

But now with CNN’s exclusive reporting about the existence of these tapes — this coordinated, well-financed literal campaign to interfere in the 2020 election — all eyes are on Congress and the American people to hold Trump accountable.

In response to CNN’s reporting, a member of Trump’s inner circle tried to downplay the severity of this scandal by claiming without evidence that the tapes are merely advertisements that all politicians use during an election. “There’s nothing unusual here. It’s a campaign ad. Everyone does it.”

We try to avoid editorializing in our straight news reporting, but we must reiterate here that that’s an actual quote from a close confidant of the President of the United States of America.

“Everyone does it.”

Please take a minute to let that sink in.

As John Kasich noted just before he and Brooke Baldwin broke down in tears together and stood on live television hugging it out while sobbing uncontrollably, both exhausted by the criminality and audacity of this lawless and dangerously narcissistic president, “This is a sad day for our country, and everyone should be just as outraged as me and Mitt Romney and Adam Schiff and Ben Sasse are. But the worst part is, I’ll tell you what, Brooke. I’ll tell you what. The worst part is I bet my Republican friends in Congress won’t even do anything about this. Some of them will even defend it. And that’s just shameful. Shameful.”

“God help us all,” Baldwin responded.

Indeed, Miss Baldwin.

God help us all.

NOTE: In the above reporting we quoted an anonymous source saying the public doesn’t have access to the names and identities of those responsible for manufacturing the notorious “#ProTrumpTapes,” as the story has been branded on Twitter. It has come to our attention that the names and identities of these individuals are in fact available as part of a public disclosure. We are including that update here as a note, instead of as a correction to our reporting, because we have determined that we did nothing wrong in our reporting. Moreover, our initial tweet with that quote got a ton of retweets and we’re not gonna take it down even if is still at this very moment spreading like wildfire and taken as gospel by all who don’t get around to coming back here and reading this post-publication “note.” Plus it’s obvious that this was a trick by the pro-Trump shadow figures who selectively edited the tapes to try to throw the media off their trail by hiding their identities in plain sight. But we’re not gonna fall for it by giving them a pass! So we will be publishing another piece shortly with the names, home addresses, family information, household allergies, children’s schools, and unsubstantiated rumors and gossip about each individual responsible for the production of the tapes. Because journalism in 2019.


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