Do you ever think about all the choices women have and make before they get pregnant?
Because you all make it sound like if a woman can’t choose an abortion, then she is entirely “without choice.” But this ignores the hundreds of choices women freely make before becoming pregnant.
I guess my beef is this…
By implying that women don’t have a “right to choose” unless abortion is one of those choices, you’re basically saying that none of the choices women make before getting pregnant matter. And, more specifically, that they should be absolved their irresponsible choices.
That, to me, is sexist.
It lowers the bar for women.
This is especially glaring when you factor the reality that men don’t have a choice when it comes to pregnancy and children: If you father a child, then you’re financially responsible. You don’t get to say “My wallet, my choice!” And if you try, the courts will step in and make sure a portion of every dollar you make goes to the well being of the child you fathered. And that’s fine. It sucks in some cases because there are women who will claim they’re on the pill or otherwise can’t get pregnant, but ultimately just want to trap a man in to being part of her life. That happens. But it shouldn’t and doesn’t negate the reality that men should be taking care of the children they father. (Heck, that’s what most of my social and political activism lands on: The importance of two parent families doing their part to raise healthy, responsible children. That’s what LoveBreedsAccountability means!)
So legally speaking when it comes to pregnancy and reproduction, men don’t really have any of the “choice” that abortion advocates demand women should have. Men don’t get any do-overs or absolution for choices they made before the pregnancy. Nor should they.
For women however, you lower the bar. If a woman is pregnant, you act like she’s a victim of some phantom toxic patriarchy unless she can be absolved the choices she made that resulted in the pregnancy. And I think that’s counter-productive. Not unlike telling young girls that if they just get drunk enough then they can always cry “RAPE!” the morning after. Men? Not so much.
Elaborating on that, briefly: If a woman can be too drunk to consent to sex, then a man can be too drunk to know what consent looks like. But that’s not how our system works. Our system basically says, “A woman can be too drunk to consent, and a man must always stay sober enough to recognize that.” Obviously anyone who sexually assaults a drunk woman (or man) should be neutered. That conversation is easy. But I’m talking about the legal precedent in the feelings-based ideas that are emerging right before our eyes, thanks to all-too-familiar liberal bigotry.
Our system, thanks to people who claim they want gender equality, persistently lowers the bar for women — absolving them responsibility, and shifting it instead to men.
“Well men don’t carry the baby for 9 months and go through all the tough parts of pregnancy and blah blah blah.” I get all that. And I get the rape, incest and life of the mother exceptions.
But generally speaking, for the purposes of our national conversation, might not it be a more powerful act of female empowerment if we didn’t treat “choice” like it’s something that only matters after a woman is pregnant? Might not it be healthier for our national conversation if we don’t froth at the mouth while insisting that opposition to abortion means women are slaves who have zero say in how, when and if they reproduce?
I guess I just want those engaged in these conversations to give a little more deference to the reality that women in the US have infinite choice with respect to their bodies and reproduction. And that it’s only after they’ve chosen irresponsibly and an unplanned pregnancy occurs that their most ardent defenders are standing up and saying “Give them a chance to undo the irresponsible choices they’ve made, by letting them terminate this innocent life.” It’s unhelpful and it promotes the idea that women need lower bars and special treatment.
Moreover, I don’t think abortion is “cool,” as many on the left now imply. I don’t think it’s a healthy rite of passage into womanhood. And I think that a lot of the women who have abortions are harmed by them in a variety of ways, most notably emotionally. And yet “Shout your abortion!” is the new mantra on the left. Over at Planned Parenthood they used to say “Safe, legal and rare.” Now they just say “Safe and legal.” What happened to rare? That just quietly got nixed from the mantra, and nobody seemed to notice or care. But I did. Because I know that no matter how much alleged “progressives” pretend that abortions are awesome and there’s nothing wrong with them, they do in fact shatter many, many young women’s lives. (You show me one woman who regrets choosing life, and I’ll show you a million who regret choosing abortion.) And shattering the lives of young women with bigotry and lowered bars that net long term devastation in their personal, emotional and spiritual lives is not cool. And I’d like to see that happen less often. So I’m hoping those of you who are pro-choice but still willing to have these conversations honestly and in good faith, will start saying “Rare” again. And I’m hoping you’ll ask your peers on the left to do the same.
I’m asking that you not pretend abortion is no big deal. And I’m asking that you give some deference to the reality that women have infinite control over their bodies, and reproductive choice, before they got pregnant. And it’s only after those women make irresponsible choices that you and your liberal friends feel they need someone to give them a pass; an abortion. And I think if we have those more honest conversations about this stuff, then more young women and men will take sex and procreation more seriously, and we’ll have fewer unplanned pregnancies and stronger family units. Because as it is now, we’re basically just saying “Abortion is no big deal and anyone who says otherwise just hates women. Also, the only real choice women have is abortion and if they don’t have that, then they’re helpless hand maidens in a toxic patriarchy who don’t have any say or control over their bodies whatsoever.”
It’s unhealthy stuff that your pro-abortion friends are spreading. Very, very unhealthy stuff. And you should seriously consider saying something to them about that.
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